Waiting, Hoping, Expecting

One pleasant surprise about being a parent is the way God speaks to me through my parenting. There have been countless times when I have felt a gentle nudge from God saying, "That's what I'M saying to YOU!" when I say something to the girls.

I guess it works both ways because something Faith said has resonated with me lately. There are some situations in my life that I am praying about, but my prayers lack the outpouring of my heart that needs to happen. I will pray about issues in a very sterile way and then call someone on the phone to pour out my heart about it.

I hear God saying to me, "I wish you'd talk to me like that." With intimacy. Truthfulness. Familiarity. Words that are not formed into pretty sentences.

Isn't this just like our God? He talks over and over about giving all of our burdens to Him.

1 Peter 5:7 AMP Casting the whole of your care [all your anxieties, all your worries, all your concerns, once and for all] on Him, for He cares for you affectionately and cares about you watchfully.

I agree with Him on this. I would love to have that kind of prayer-life on a consistent basis. Instead, I say what my four-year-old has said about talking to God. "But, Mommy, I can't hear Him."

I've never heard God audibly speak, but He speaks to me in ways that I know are Him. Sometimes He speaks immediately when I've said something to Him, sometimes it takes years (literally) for Him to get back to me. So, it's not so much that I can't hear God; it just might "sound" different than what I'm used to. Hearing from God takes some work and some faith.

The waiting is the hardest part. It's yet another way we sacrifice ourselves, our way, our will and give them over to God. Am I willing to be patient and wait for His timing and His way instead of opting for immediate gratification? Undoubtedly, God has given me friends for a reason. He works through us to help others. But, my main focus and first response should be going to Him, earnestly asking and awaiting His answer.

Psalm 27:14 AMP
Wait and hope for and expect the Lord; be brave and of good courage and let your heart be stout and enduring. Yes, wait for and hope for and expect the Lord.

Real Life Inspiration

I am participating in a weight-loss contest that is being sponsored by a local television station. For 10 weeks, my teammates and I are competing to see which team can lose the largest percentage of weight. Part of the incentive includes free membership for the duration of the contest at the YMCA.

Today was my second day working out there. I got on a treadmill, turned up my TobyMac and got going. In the row ahead of me, there were three women also on treadmills. Being a woman, I started comparing myself to them and in the process, picking them apart.

The first woman, I have to say, inspired me. I think she's a contestant, too, since she was there on the same days I was. She alternated between walking and jogging, but I was so proud of her because by looking at her, I would never guess she could jog. I certainly cannot jog at this point, which is why I was admiring her.

The second woman was a Barbie-doll type, blonde with a cute workout outfit on. She got right on the treadmill and started jogging, no warm-up! Wow. I was thinking to myself that I could be inspired by her, to make it a goal to get to that level.

The third woman was in her early twenties and from my assessment, didn't need to be up on that treadmill. Her body type is one that I will just never have.

While I was thinking about all of that, I was also remembering how I once lost a lot of weight, only to gain 80% of it back. Back then, my motivation was pure vanity. It didn't last for long and didn't get me very far. I wanted to be thin for all the wrong reasons.

So, as I was finishing sizing up of those poor, unsuspecting women, I looked up at one of the many televisions they have there. You can only hear the sound if you tune into them on your FM radio. There on the screen was a stained glass picture of Jesus praying, looking upward toward His Father. In closed-captioning font it read, "REAL LIFE INSPIRATION".

Why was there a picture of Jesus on the TV right at that second? I have no idea what was on that station or what they were talking about, but I started laughing and tried not to look like a fool up on that treadmill.

God knew what I was up to. He knew that I needed reminding of what my "real life inspiration" is. Not vanity, not looking good in a gym, not having men look at me, and definitely not being on top when I am comparing myself to others.

No, this time, my motivation and inspiration is to be healthy and whole and complete in Him. He doesn't care about my weight, but He does care about the issues in my head that contribute to it. He cares that I have chosen to believe those lies, that I have chosen not to believe that He loves me, and therefore, have immense worth. And, apparently, He will go to great lengths to remind me:)

Psalm 139 The Message

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
you formed me in my mother's womb.
I thank you, High God—you're breathtaking!
Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
before I'd even lived one day.

Isaiah 43 The Message

I've called your name. You're mine.
When you're in over your head, I'll be there with you.
When you're in rough waters, you will not go down.
When you're between a rock and a hard place,
it won't be a dead end—
Because I am God, your personal God,
The Holy of Israel, your Savior.
I paid a huge price for you:
all of Egypt, with rich Cush and Seba thrown in!
That's how much you mean to me!
That's how much I love you!
I'd sell off the whole world to get you back,
trade the creation just for you.

A Haphazard Display

Everything noteworthy, of interest or important ends up stuck to our refrigerator door. Some things are temporary and get a magnet. Other things are more permanent and get scotch tape. In looking at the haphazard display, I see a representation of my life. It's sort of like a scrapbook page...

A picture of Steve & I - I am thankful to have the wonderful husband I do. He and I had a beginning against all odds. We did everything wrong. Without God, we would definitely not be celebrating our 9th wedding anniversary this May.

He is SUCH a good father. I am so envious when I see him with our girls; they have exactly what every daughter should have growing up, exactly what I did not have. He loves God and wants His will above all. He truly is a gift to me.

Pictures of our family - How sad it would be to have no one's picture to display. My daughters, my niece and sister, my parents and in-laws; I'm thankful for them all.

My daughters, of course, are the joy in my life. They are all so wonderful and different. I thank God every day for the gifts they are and pray that they will have nothing but goodness in their lives.

Pictures of friends, present & past, sometimes both - I smile when I see them. Some of my friends who knew the old Katie from back in high school or my early twenties, I wonder what they think now. I certainly hope they see a difference. I love to think about why God has had us cross paths again. Interesting possibilities...

Art made by kids - My house is covered in it, but the coveted spot is the refrigerator. Their artwork is made and given in love. The picture my niece drew for me is up there, and when she sees that I kept it and put it in a place of honor, I hope she'll know how much I love her.

Freedom of expression and creativity are valued in this house -- so much that I let Hope put stickers on the wall. Her "Ooooohhhh" was too much to resist, she thought it was just so pretty.

Magnets - They hold things that show we have a purpose, goals, work to do...and a good life. Faith's dentist magnet means that we have health care and can afford for her to be seen by a dentist. Other magnets are simply decorative, but they hold resources and schedules. This is a blessing and a reminder to be thankful for busy days, days filled and not empty.

Bible verses - The foundation our house is built on. Nourishment for the journey. A light in the dark. Where we turn when we have questions, are worried, are scared, are hurt. God's promises to us.

My God has richly blessed me. He has made up for the years of the locust.

Joel 2 The Message

I'll make up for the years of the locust,
the great locust devastation—
Locusts savage, locusts deadly,
fierce locusts, locusts of doom,
That great locust invasion
I sent your way.
You'll eat your fill of good food.
You'll be full of praises to your God,
The God who has set you back on your heels in wonder.

At the car wash...

Today was the first warm, sunny day in months. I did what many people did today; I took my van to the car wash!

I go to an automatic car wash, one that's attended by real, live people who take your cash, rinse your car, and after the wash, dry it.

I don't know about anyone else, but I always get nervous when it's time for me to put my front-left tire into the conveyor belt. As I was driving forward, SLOWLY, the guy who had taken my money was motioning me to keep coming forward. I rolled down my window and asked him if I should keep the car in "drive".

"No! Put it in 'neutral' and leave it there." He even looked at my dash board to see if I had followed his instructions...pretty important ones I would guess.

So, my wheel was properly in the conveyor belt, my vehicle was in "neutral", and I sat back to relax for a minute. I was watching the giant sponges soap up my windows and thinking of how wonderfully-squeaky-clean the van was going to look when we were done.

God revealed to me how this whole process was a bit like how we should look when we come to Jesus to be saved, to be cleansed of our sin. We should no longer be in "drive" -- we have to put ourselves into "neutral" and let Jesus carry us through that car wash. We can't cleanse ourselves of sin, Jesus has to do it for us. If we're still in "drive", it's going to mess something up in a serious way.

I had a conversation this past weekend with a woman at church. She told me she was still working on "getting saved". Since she had just told me that she was walking with Jesus, I asked her why she thought she wasn't saved.

She told me that she doesn't do everything right, doesn't make the right choices, the ones that God wants her to, and that she hadn't started living her life completely for God. She was still in "drive".

We are told in the Bible that we are unable to be saved by our own doing -- it's all on Jesus and the trust we place in His sacrifice on our behalf.

Ephesians 2:8-9 (New International Version)

For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast.

I do believe that during our walk with Jesus, we come to a point of conviction to change habits, lifestyles, purposes. But, those are changes of the heart that God does. They are evidence of our salvation, not requirements to be met BEFORE salvation.

When I relayed this to the woman at church, she got a big smile on her face -- Good News, indeed!

We all need reminders in this world of "drive" that the gift that Jesus extends to us is simply that, a gift. Put your vehicle in "neutral" and let the mud and grime of life be washed away by the only One who can.

My Plans

This post is titled simply enough and it's capitalized for a reason. If I could find a way to have trumpets blast while you read the title, I would. Never before have I realized just how much I cherish my plans. I coddle them, protect them, nurture them--in a weird way.

This realization started with my desire to home school my children, Faith being the first since she's the oldest. It's dawned on me over the past several weeks that at this point, it's impossible.

So, I started investigating preschools, which just broke my heart. I talked to God about it. He told me to let go...of my plans, of "my way". I don't know His entire plan for our educational future, but for now, it's a "no" to home school.

Faith's pediatrician expressed something today that struck me. She said that Faith will be seen by their practice until "she graduates from college, joins the military, gets married and has her own babies or ends up in 'juvey' -- let's hope it's the 'graduates from college option'".

While I don't want Faith to end up in "juvey", any of the other options she stated would absolutely be fine with me. There are many others as well -- travel abroad, do missions, start a career.

I felt put off by this woman so casually judging what my child's path should be. I'm wondering now if God feels this way about me casually judging what Faith's path should be...and what my path should be.

He has His own plans for us. It's one big plan, but it's also step-by-step instructions. He cares about all the little things. He's into the details.

A few weeks ago, I was singing along with a song about taking every step with God. God, in His way, said to me, "You don't take every step with me." Ohhhh...well, He's right!

Lord, help me to be patient enough to ask You what Your plan is for me before setting out on the path I have chosen.

Matthew 10:30
And the very hairs on your head are all numbered.

Jeremiah 29:11
For I know the plans I have for you,” says the Lord. “They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.

Proverbs 16:9
We can make our plans, but the Lord determines our steps.

Isaiah 55:9
For just as the heavens are higher than the earth, so my ways are higher than your ways and my thoughts higher than your thoughts.

Heritage and Inheritance

Today is Faith's 4th birthday. I have been thinking about what an amazing gift she is to me. She is many things, but these come to mind first: she is kind, observant, curious and loves Jesus.

We were in Target a couple of nights ago where they have a kiosk that plays random music from the CD's for sale. "Jesus Loves Me" was one of the songs playing. Faith heard it and came running down the aisle toward me yelling, "Jesus, Jesus!"

My devotional today included Judges 2 in which a whole generation grows up not learning about God and what He had done for their parents. It ended badly, that much you can probably guess. I was remembering my upbringing and thinking about the generations before me. Only my paternal grandmother was a true believer. I have a couple of distinct memories of her sharing Jesus with me, but it wasn't enough to make a lasting impact.

I am purposefully raising my children to know God's love and grace and to see the freedom that Jesus has given me. I believe there's no greater gift I could give them. They are being pointed toward a firm foundation to stand on when life is complicated and messy and when it's sweet and lovely. They are receiving a heritage from me, however short it is, that I hope and pray they will continue. And, if they choose to accept it, they will receive an inheritance of riches from the Lord. Only He knows what that includes, but I love to think about what it is!

My greatest desire is that I will one day stand before God with all three of my children. I can think of nothing that could possibly mean more to me.

Ephesians 1:17-19

17For I always pray to the God of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of glory, that He may grant you a spirit of wisdom and revelation of insight into mysteries and secrets in the deep and intimate knowledge of Him,

18 By having the eyes of your heart flooded with light, so that you can know and understand the hope to which He has called you, and how rich is His glorious inheritance in the saints (His set-apart ones),

19 And so that you can know and understand what is the immeasurable and unlimited and surpassing greatness of His power in and for us who believe, as demonstrated in the working of His mighty strength,

He delights in me

I adore my children. I delight in them. I could spend my days and nights watching them play, laugh, interact and just be.

My baby child, Trinity, is in the wide-eyed, smiley stage. She's just learning about this world and everyone in it. When we are face to face, the time is so sweet. I tell her I love her over and over, and although I sincerely doubt she knows what I'm saying to her, she understands. She responds with cooing and smiling, trying out new expressions on her face. Occasionally, I'll laugh a little too loud at one of those expressions and it startles her.

The photo to the right is of Trinity, startled about something I had done. Ever have this look on your face?:)

This calls to mind the relationship between God and me, His baby child. He tells me in His way that He loves me, and while I don't understand His language, I get what He's saying. Sometimes, He'll do something that startles me, something I don't understand. I've forgotten that He has good intentions toward me, good plans and only love. Just like Trinity doesn't know yet that I only have good things in mind for her, I have trouble remembering this about God.

During my prayer time, I was thinking about how wonderful it is to look my baby in the face and just enjoy her. God impressed upon me that that is how He feels about ME. He delights in me, He adores me, He thinks I'm wonderful.

This is a thought that, if I could come to believe it, would transform my life. May it transform yours as well.

Jeremiah 29:11 For I know the plans I have for you," declares the LORD, "plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

Psalm 149:4 For the LORD takes delight in his people; he crowns the humble with salvation.

Zephaniah 3:17 The LORD your God is with you, he is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, he will quiet you with his love, he will rejoice over you with singing."