What My Life Looks Like

I have three daughters, ages 5 (going on 16), 2 1/2 (who acts EXACTLY her age) and 1 1/2. These girls are my everything and have changed everything about my life. This is what my life looks like:

*I've found Hope putting $100 prescription eye drops in her baby-doll's eyes.

*If I am looking for my favorite bracelet, the first place I look is their toy box.

*If it is quiet too long in my house, I head to the bathroom where I have found an entire roll of toilet paper unrolled, Hope applying my mascara to herself, Trinity getting into the bag of guards for Steve's electric hair clippers, Hope using the entire dispenser of soap to wash her hands with bubbles overflowing from the sink, etc.

*I estimate that I could feed our entire military with the food that I have found in our couch cushions, under furniture, in our van and just plain wasted by being thrown on the floor. Entire box of crackers and bags of pretzels are vacuumed up on a weekly basis.

*Going to the grocery store with these three inspires complete strangers to give me looks of empathy, offer me their cart, offer to take my cart back, help me with my girls' coats and other nice things. These people usually offer up the information that THEY had three little ones who are either teenagers now or are grown. I thank God for them! I confess that I have asked complete strangers to hold my baby while I use the bathroom -- and they have complied, only too happy to hold a baby :)

*Some people in public say some not-so-nice things as well. This brings out the lioness mama in me and we won't talk about those instances :)

*Steve and I have forgotten what the inside of a semi-nice restaurant looks like. Friday's? Smoky Bones? Now, the best we can manage is Bob Evans or Chick-Fil-A :)

My life is one that I never imagined for myself and never actually wanted -- because I didn't think I COULD ever have it or deserved it. Raising these girls is refining me. In particular, staying at home, trying to make it as a one-income, one-vehicle family has taught me to be more efficient and not take things for granted the way I used to.

Sometimes, I will admit, this life is very, very difficult. There are many days that I cry. My refuge is the downstairs bathroom where I go in, lock the door and turn on the exhaust fan so I can cry out to God to help me. Many days I am frustrated, exhausted and worn-out. I make mistakes, it seems, in every hour of the day.

I can see that my life, these girls, have been a way for God to draw me closer to Him. I have a lot to be thankful for, even on days when everything has gone wrong and no one has behaved (including me).

Each time I go into my girls' room at night to pray over them, I am speechless at the beautiful gifts God has bestowed on me. I don't deserve them, even today. I see the difference in my girls' life compare to my own childhood -- God has performed a Great Reversal, as the Message version of the bible puts it. I am thankful beyond what my words can say.

God who made you has something to say to you;
the God who formed you in the womb wants to help you.
"I will pour water on the thirsty ground
and send streams coursing through the parched earth.
I will pour my Spirit into your descendants
and my blessing on your children.
They shall sprout like grass on the prairie,
like willows alongside creeks.
This one will say, 'I am God's,'
and another will go by the name Jacob;
That one will write on his hand 'God's property'—
and be proud to be called Israel."~Isaiah 44 MSG